You've Got to Relax

My boyfriend says it when he massages the knots out of my shoulders. My chiropractor says it when he adjusts my spine. My family physician said it when she learned about the anxiety attacks last year. The gastrointerologist said it when he found out about my digestive issues. Everyone says I've got to relax, but no one tells me how!

I've been tense for as long as I can remember. It's not that I've had an abnormal amount of stress in my life - just the same as the average person. It's just that I can remember sitting slightly hunched over with shoulders tensed even in middle school when my friends were arguing, and then I just never relaxed them. Now don't get me wrong - I'm usually a laid-back woman who loves to laugh. I just keep my muscles tight at the same time. Anyways, I've finally found a few techniques that help me to relax. I hope some of it helps you!

Photo from Best Foot Forward

1. Massage - Back, neck, feet, hands. It doesn't matter where as long as it's enjoyable. This is my absolute favorite way to realx. Unfortunately, professional massages are too expensive to get regularly and the boyfriend doesn't give them as often as I'd like. Read on for cheaper relaxation tips or invest in handheld massagers that you can use yourself.

2. Belly Breathing - We all know how to breathe, right? Apparently not. I've always been told to take deep breaths to calm down, but I was surprised when I finally learned I was doing it wrong. Those slow, deep, calming breaths should come from your stomach, not your chest. I know many of us would rather hold in our stomachs to appear thinner, but if you want to relax, your belly should look like a balloon that's slowly inflating and deflating.

3. Tense to Relax - It seems our muscles are most relaxed after they've been tense. It's like the calm after the storm. Inhale deeply with your stomach and clench your fists. Slowly exhale as you let your hand relax. Do the same thing with the muscles in your shoulders, arms, and legs.

4. Use your Imagination - Some therapists refer to this as "visualization" but I like imagination better. It sounds more whimsical and brings back memories of childhood, which had much less stress. Spend a couple of minutes imagining your happy place and try to engage all of your senses. For example, I'd be at a beach that's not too crowded during a warm morning in the summer. Personally, I find it easier to imagine and relax if someone slowly reads the following to me rather than reading it myself or trying to guide my own thoughts. Elaborate or extend the scene for a longer period of relaxation.

As you're walking down the wooden steps leading to the beach, you can already hear the crashing of the waves against the shore. Take off your shoes and take that first step into the sand. Feel the coolness as your feet sink into the soft sand, not yet heated by the sun overhead. Feel the warm sun heat your body from the outside in as a gentle cool breeze blows across your face. Watch the seagull soar through the clear blue sky without a care in the world and allow your own cares to fall off your shoulders. The sun continues to warm you completely as you walk across the sand towards the water. Take that first step into the water and feel the coolness lap at your toes. Stand there and notice the sand washing out from under your feet as the water flows back towards the ocean. Take another step into the ocean and allow the glistening water to cool your heated legs.

5. Get Physical - Jog, go for a bike ride, or take a class like kickboxing or swing dancing. Stretching or yoga are beneficial as well. I joined a gym this month, and it seems to be helping.

6. Laugh - Supposedly, your brain is not biased towards real or fake laughter and releases the same feel-good hormone with both. So laugh even when you don't feel like...or watch funny videos on YouTube.

7. Appreciate - Why is it you need this cause of frustration? Is your job causing you stress? Be thankful that it provides for your family. Next time you're stressed at work, think of a good moment that occurred because of the money you make (vacation, road trip, a family dinner, time spent in the pool you bought, etc.). If you can't think of a need for the stress-causing thing, then you can likely be rid of it.

8. Warm Water - Whether it's a hot bath or just a foot soak, taking a few minutes to be still in warm water can be very relaxing. Add a bit of Epsom salts or essential oils to enhance the effect. Personally I don't like getting so hot from baths, but I do relax by soaking my feet in warm water. It's 5 or 10 minutes to myself with hot water and a good book. Ahhh :)

Have any other recommendations for relaxing? What helps you the most?